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| Lost River, West Virginia |
Musing…
“As
long as our orientation is toward perfection or success, we will never learn
about unconditional friendship with ourselves, nor will we find compassion. ” ― Pema Chödrön
Charise’s Turn:
Six weeks ago I suddenly lost hearing in my left ear; or
rather, I suddenly lost the ability to discern external sound in that ear and
instead have noise that is insistent and unrelenting. Not a ringing, more like a roaring waterfall or a chorus of cicadas. Idiopathic sensorineural sudden hearing loss, or as I am wont to
call it, idiotic pathetic senseless neurotic hearing loss. I expected it to
resolve in a short time – this is called denial. I stopped teaching yoga and
stopped dancing because there was too much distortion affecting my hearing and
disorientation from feeling walled off on my left side. I became a patient, undergoing
all kind of testing and recommended treatment. Ultimately, only time will be
the predictor of recovery, as is so often the case with any ailment or
condition, because there is nothing much to do that will make a difference in
the meantime. This could take months, maybe a year, to improve and how long do
I let this rule my life – in the meantime?
After a month hiatus I gambled on teaching and found that despite
a certain level of discomfort as well as nervousness about how it would go, it
went more or less as usual. No one else was experiencing the noise distortion I
was experiencing, but it didn’t matter, we had yoga to unite us. I had thought
I was done, that teaching would not be possible again, but that was only my fear
believing itself. I had also lost all desire to dance...until my friend Charmaine of SynergyDance
gifted me one of her most precious costume skirts. She said “this is to inspire
you to dance again; you can’t stop, you’re too good.” Her gift gave me the strength
to return to class, pick up choreography I had stopped working on, and surrender
my doubts.
Get Fired Up:
Are you believing in some limitation that is just fear or
doubt speaking? Test your limitation, maybe it isn’t the truth.
“Feel the fear…and do it anyway!” – Susan Jeffers
Thanks, Charise, for showing us the way here. When we can surrender to our deepest fears and doubts, it opens up the possibility of befriending them. Then we can place those fears and doubts in their rightful place as our precious allies. We know we are on our path when events like a serious medical condition shows up so unexpectedly and we turn that into an opportunity for compassion for ourselves. I love the image of how uniting through yoga becomes a place for trust to build. The gem from Pema Chodron poignantly illustrates all of this.
ReplyDelete-- Jerome Rosen