Essence: Believe

Musing...

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that something deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our sacred trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

– e.e. cummings

In our mission to welcome new voices into our blog, let us introduce our guest blogger, Colleen Russell, who draws on creativity to transform her own life as well as the lives of others in her work.    www.quest4wholeness.com

Colleen’s Turn:

It has taken me years to believe that I am a creative/artistic person because this part of me was never supported. By the time I was in my teens, this loss of my authentic self began to express itself in self-destructive behavior. I became pregnant at seventeen, and was a single mom for twelve years. Making a living took every ounce of creative energy I had.

Interestingly enough, after getting a degree in Journalism, my work took me into advertising sales where at times I designed ads. I suppose that was my body/soul’s way of staying creative.

At age 35 my husband that I’d been married to for five years had a heart attack and died. A counselor encouraged me to take time to “find myself.” As a result of that journey, I found myself pursuing a degree in Transpersonal Psychology which is a form of Depth Psychology that believes we are all creative.

Most of the classes included writing, art, and creative expression so it allowed me to discover who I was at my core: a creative being. Later I worked with Marion Woodman, a Jungian Analyst who used the arts to put us back into our body/souls so that we could discover our true essence. It was there that I discovered my inner artist. I can’t tell you how delighted I was when I discovered her. I also received validation from my mentors that perhaps artistic expression was one of my innate gifts. Still I didn’t quite get it.

It wasn’t until my husband had me take a Thinking-Styles Assessment test from Dr. Katherine Benzieger a few years ago at age 55, that I finally got it. The assessment revealed that my strength was right brained thinking and that all of these years I had been suffering from depression because I was adapting to a world that was not my natural way of being in the world. From that time on I have given myself permission to create. I realize if I don’t take time to do art, that my life will be out-of-balance.  Playing with art feeds my soul and brings me joy. I feel most happy when I am creating.

Get Fired Up: 

There is an inner artist that lives within you too. Buy a box of charcoals and some paper. Let yourself play. Choose colors you like and make marks. Rub your hands in them. See what happens when you let go and express yourself with lines and color. Believe in yourself. Let yourself play!